writersfandomcom-20200222-history
Unkle Munky Pg 102
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. ---- This week Munky is all mixed up... Artist - J Majik & Wickaman. Song - Crazy World. *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- Junk Alan from Kent asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Did you receive my letter? Unkle Munky says -''' Dear Alan, I did indeed receive your letter. As a result I have decided to strike both your rude self and my despicable postman from what is swiftly becoming an ever decreasing Xmas card list! Good day! ---- Henry Winkler. Celebrity Archeologist! This week Henry has been digging around in the garden of Sharon Osbourne. 'Unkle Munky asks -' What have you found today, Henry? ---- Expensive Night Out. Ray from Derby asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am going on a date tonight with a beautiful young lady. I have promised to take her somewhere expensive and was wondering if you had any ideas? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Ray, If it's 'expense' that you want then there's only one place to go - a petrol station! Have a nice night. ---- Munky Talks Balls. Amy from Hull asks - Dear Unkle Munky, The weather people are predicting a sunny week ahead. With this in mind I have decided to purchase a bulk load of delicious strawberry flavoured novelty ice lollipops. They are available in the shape of Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse or Pluto. Which do you think I should buy? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Amy, There is no contest. You will get more for your money by purchasing the Pluto range of lollipops. Apparently he has massive bollocks. ''I guess that's why your Unkle Munky Ice lollipops never sold too well then?'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Shut it Mary! ---- Unkle Munky Annual Viewing Figures. ''Munky, I have the latest viewing figures for counselling websites on my desk. I'm afraid it's bad news. You appear to have lost three hundred clients in just one year.'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Ahem. Have you checked behind the stationary cupboard? ''Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky's assistant) replies - Oh fer god's sake!''' ---- Amy Knitwear. '''Unkle Munky says -' Who the... What the... ---- Bungle's Barely News. 'Unkle Munky clears his throat -' Ahem. ---- Show Off. Chris from Edinburgh asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I am a big fan of showing off and was wondering if you had any ideas as to how I might indulge my passion? 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Chris, Why not stand upon the turret of a cannon whilst holding a bicycle above your head? Chris replies - Thanks Munky. That's just the ticket. ---- On This Day in History. It was on this day in 1927 that Punk Rock wannabe, Toyota Willcox, discovered hair dye. "I remember it as if it were yesterday," said Ms. Willcox in a recent interview for ‘Word Search Weekly magazine’. "I’d just nipped out to the chemist on an errand for my mother. She was addicted to Strepsil throat lozenges and if she didn’t get her daily fix she'd be climbing the walls. I’d always loved my mother dearly, but this was the late 1920’s and rebellion was in air. With this in mind, and without a thought for the consequences, I decided to make a stand and promptly spent the money entrusted to me on a chemical hair dye called 'Nice n Sleazy'. It was with some trepidation that I returned home that night with bright red hair and a flaming attitude to match. I can still recall the look on her face as I threw aside my sensible 1920's hat and viciously exclaimed, "The chemist was all out of strepsils mother, so suck on this!" *''Factually incorrect at time of going to press.'' ---- Man on a Hill. 'Unkle Munky says -' What can you see today, Man on a Hill? ---- Next... Previous... Munky's Memos... Return to Munky Menu...